its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
