Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
