he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
