I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
