Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
