I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
