ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
His nipple licking is glorious
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