I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
