Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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