we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
