I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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