I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
