I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
