By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
