party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
why do cheetos always look like penises
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
