The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
