Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
