I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
