Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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