Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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