Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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