Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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