my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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