I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
