Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
time to smoke my breakfast
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
