Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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