ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
