Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
