pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
