I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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