My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
