Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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