she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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