Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
