Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
