look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
