i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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