I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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