I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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