Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
