I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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