How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
