Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
