you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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