and you said cock pushups were impossible
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
