My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize