whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
