Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
