I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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