You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
