You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
