i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
