Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
