just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
