Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
