I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
