I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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