When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No subtext here. People are naked.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
