Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
