His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
