Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
