Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Enjoy the penises
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
