My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
