Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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