doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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