the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize