i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I looked at my own cervix.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
