u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
